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Royal Review 12/14
Royal Review
By Victor Ludorem
With a spring in my step, a song in my heart and a few more guilders in the pocket I bring you the Royal Review, a silver lining to behold. Usually a headline like ‘Royal Ass Kicking’ might promote a certain visual, but this edition unlike weeks past, has a happy ending for a change. The coffers were plugged and replenished to an all-together acceptable fluid level after going 7 out of 10 in big games last weekend.
In collegiate tilts we go 3 out of 4 beginning with the Horned Frogs +9.5 winning straight up against Southern Miss by a 14-12 tally. In a sloppy battle the horny toads humped the legs of the Southern Missys into a submission position. This was a fitting one considering how many times the Frogs have spit in our eye this season. Next up the war in Waikiki, saw Brigham Young and his Mormon followers get their first sweet taste of Maui Wowie while visiting the 50th state.
Polynesian paralysis set in quickly as the cold-climate Cougars wilted with the heat, humidity and home cooking served up by the Rainbow Warriors. Sort of gives a new meaning to the term
“three finger poi” with the 72 to 45 final. The players got fattened up like a Huli-Luau Pig on this game and the sky-high total as well. Game time temperature and the game total were equally balanced in Aloha Stadium. Later on, the SEC Champeenship stand was half as large as the viewing audience. Everybody, their mother and their blue-tick hounds were betting the Vols after watching them dismantle the Gators last week. A 16to1 ratio of bettors blew out as the Bayou Bengals ripped up 31-20 to the Tennessee Waltz. They tripped on the total going Over 52 also as there was not enough Mylanta to go around. Big, big win for Royal Sports.
Professionally speaking, the Pros were good on Sunday too when 4 of 6 fell our way. We cashed the Rams-7.5 and the total Under 54.5 to get off to a fine start. The 12to1 public fell in love with the hook on this game and clambered for more. StL 27-SF 14, if this game had landed out of the teaser zone we could have wiped up like Mr. Clean. They guessed wrong again laying
the Titans-2 versus Minnesota. Relative unknown Todd Bauman sparkled in QB relief for the Vikes. A relative unknown is always better than an unknown relative I always say. The Vikings spanked the Titans till the final 42-24 and Randy Moss set a NFL record for 1000yd receiving in each of his first 4 seasons. That fellow can sure catch the ball – to bad he can’t pay someone to do his thinking. Another huge game for Royal was the Redskins making a headdress of the Cardinals by a 20-10 margin. Two big games we got beat up on both involved Gotham City teams. The Jets+3.5 crashing into the Steel Curtain 18-7 was painful. And who knew the Cowboys would make like David and defeat the defending NFC Chumps 20-13? Apparently the word was out because we needed the pitiful Giants-3.5 in a Goliath way. So sad but true. Oh well “somedays a pigeon, somedays a statue.”
By Victor Ludorem
With a spring in my step, a song in my heart and a few more guilders in the pocket I bring you the Royal Review, a silver lining to behold. Usually a headline like ‘Royal Ass Kicking’ might promote a certain visual, but this edition unlike weeks past, has a happy ending for a change. The coffers were plugged and replenished to an all-together acceptable fluid level after going 7 out of 10 in big games last weekend.
In collegiate tilts we go 3 out of 4 beginning with the Horned Frogs +9.5 winning straight up against Southern Miss by a 14-12 tally. In a sloppy battle the horny toads humped the legs of the Southern Missys into a submission position. This was a fitting one considering how many times the Frogs have spit in our eye this season. Next up the war in Waikiki, saw Brigham Young and his Mormon followers get their first sweet taste of Maui Wowie while visiting the 50th state.
Polynesian paralysis set in quickly as the cold-climate Cougars wilted with the heat, humidity and home cooking served up by the Rainbow Warriors. Sort of gives a new meaning to the term
“three finger poi” with the 72 to 45 final. The players got fattened up like a Huli-Luau Pig on this game and the sky-high total as well. Game time temperature and the game total were equally balanced in Aloha Stadium. Later on, the SEC Champeenship stand was half as large as the viewing audience. Everybody, their mother and their blue-tick hounds were betting the Vols after watching them dismantle the Gators last week. A 16to1 ratio of bettors blew out as the Bayou Bengals ripped up 31-20 to the Tennessee Waltz. They tripped on the total going Over 52 also as there was not enough Mylanta to go around. Big, big win for Royal Sports.
Professionally speaking, the Pros were good on Sunday too when 4 of 6 fell our way. We cashed the Rams-7.5 and the total Under 54.5 to get off to a fine start. The 12to1 public fell in love with the hook on this game and clambered for more. StL 27-SF 14, if this game had landed out of the teaser zone we could have wiped up like Mr. Clean. They guessed wrong again laying
the Titans-2 versus Minnesota. Relative unknown Todd Bauman sparkled in QB relief for the Vikes. A relative unknown is always better than an unknown relative I always say. The Vikings spanked the Titans till the final 42-24 and Randy Moss set a NFL record for 1000yd receiving in each of his first 4 seasons. That fellow can sure catch the ball – to bad he can’t pay someone to do his thinking. Another huge game for Royal was the Redskins making a headdress of the Cardinals by a 20-10 margin. Two big games we got beat up on both involved Gotham City teams. The Jets+3.5 crashing into the Steel Curtain 18-7 was painful. And who knew the Cowboys would make like David and defeat the defending NFC Chumps 20-13? Apparently the word was out because we needed the pitiful Giants-3.5 in a Goliath way. So sad but true. Oh well “somedays a pigeon, somedays a statue.”