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Royal Review
By Victor Ludorem
Before you jump on or off of the XFL Bandwagon I invite you to remember the first…..
airplane, automobile, computer, television show, SuperBowl or even your first sexual encounter. You see the point I’m trying to make is don’t make unfair comparisons. The XFL premiere cannot be compared to SB XXXV any more than your 10 minutes with a sophomore coed behind the Junior Varsity gymnasium could compare with an all-nighter with the twin Czechoslovakian hotties from the CrazyHorse Saloon. All things are not created equal, thank God. Some things improve with age, like me and the twins.
Speaking of this recent SuperBowl, I had no idea the number of calls and Emails we got from people who missed their Royal Review of the SuperBowl. Kind of like gawking to watch a car wreck, I think the sick bastards just wanted to read about how badly the Royal bookmaker got his ass plastered by hanging the only Ravens –2 in the world.
Let me tell you I spent two days in intensive care at the CrazyHorse with compounded ambidextrous writerscramp as a result from filling out FedEx labels to half of the eastern seaboard. I never knew there were so many Modell’s.
Now back to the topic of this edition, the cheerleaders, I mean the XFL. Some aspects of this new league that were very appealing in no particular order like the Vegas Outlaw cheerleaders, the Orlando Rage cheerleaders, the Birmingham Bolt babes, the race for the ball instead of a coin flip, no extra point attempts, no fair catches, one foot in bounds for a catch, interviews from the sideline and in the stands. I really liked the cheerleaders. Other aspects I personally could do without are: some of the camera angles seem rather parochial, the inane commentary, and the silly nicknames instead of names on the jerseys.
Of course the skill level was not what we’re used to seeing. You get what you pay for.
Look at the performances of John Avery of the Chicago Enforcers and Rashaan Salaam of the Memphis Maniax. There is no questioning the heart of the XFL players who risk life and limb for a meager salary and a $2500 bonus for each victory. Ravens MVP Ray Lewis pays more for bail bondsmen than these guys make in a year. This fledgling league is only what it is intended to be and that is entertaining. Let’s reserve passing judgement on this until they have enough film to make a highlight reel. For now it’s just what a guy like me needs, Entertainment and Action.
Now about the action. The first big steam game of the XFL went the way of the steam locomotive as the LA Extreme went from –4 to –7.5 in a losing effort against the SF Demons (this scribe’s favorite XFL uniforms). The hometown Demons played keep away from the supposedly potent LA offense to score a 15-13 victory.
On the other hand, a ratio of 6to1 bettors cashed in on the Maniax as a switched favorite
(+1 to –1) in an exciting battle with the Bolts in Birmingham. Memphis and the bettors both prevailed with the 22-20 final. I will expect a lot of brisk XFL action again this weekend as well as a fair share of get well and sympathy cards for the twins.
By Victor Ludorem
Before you jump on or off of the XFL Bandwagon I invite you to remember the first…..
airplane, automobile, computer, television show, SuperBowl or even your first sexual encounter. You see the point I’m trying to make is don’t make unfair comparisons. The XFL premiere cannot be compared to SB XXXV any more than your 10 minutes with a sophomore coed behind the Junior Varsity gymnasium could compare with an all-nighter with the twin Czechoslovakian hotties from the CrazyHorse Saloon. All things are not created equal, thank God. Some things improve with age, like me and the twins.
Speaking of this recent SuperBowl, I had no idea the number of calls and Emails we got from people who missed their Royal Review of the SuperBowl. Kind of like gawking to watch a car wreck, I think the sick bastards just wanted to read about how badly the Royal bookmaker got his ass plastered by hanging the only Ravens –2 in the world.
Let me tell you I spent two days in intensive care at the CrazyHorse with compounded ambidextrous writerscramp as a result from filling out FedEx labels to half of the eastern seaboard. I never knew there were so many Modell’s.
Now back to the topic of this edition, the cheerleaders, I mean the XFL. Some aspects of this new league that were very appealing in no particular order like the Vegas Outlaw cheerleaders, the Orlando Rage cheerleaders, the Birmingham Bolt babes, the race for the ball instead of a coin flip, no extra point attempts, no fair catches, one foot in bounds for a catch, interviews from the sideline and in the stands. I really liked the cheerleaders. Other aspects I personally could do without are: some of the camera angles seem rather parochial, the inane commentary, and the silly nicknames instead of names on the jerseys.
Of course the skill level was not what we’re used to seeing. You get what you pay for.
Look at the performances of John Avery of the Chicago Enforcers and Rashaan Salaam of the Memphis Maniax. There is no questioning the heart of the XFL players who risk life and limb for a meager salary and a $2500 bonus for each victory. Ravens MVP Ray Lewis pays more for bail bondsmen than these guys make in a year. This fledgling league is only what it is intended to be and that is entertaining. Let’s reserve passing judgement on this until they have enough film to make a highlight reel. For now it’s just what a guy like me needs, Entertainment and Action.
Now about the action. The first big steam game of the XFL went the way of the steam locomotive as the LA Extreme went from –4 to –7.5 in a losing effort against the SF Demons (this scribe’s favorite XFL uniforms). The hometown Demons played keep away from the supposedly potent LA offense to score a 15-13 victory.
On the other hand, a ratio of 6to1 bettors cashed in on the Maniax as a switched favorite
(+1 to –1) in an exciting battle with the Bolts in Birmingham. Memphis and the bettors both prevailed with the 22-20 final. I will expect a lot of brisk XFL action again this weekend as well as a fair share of get well and sympathy cards for the twins.