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Royal Review By Victor Ludourem
Who are all these touts and why are their Games of the Year like pure solid gold?
Hmmmm…. Have you ever had a thought that sounds good in your head but doesn’t work in print? That’s exactly what happened when I penned the headline …”Royal gets stuck again by Gamecocks!”.
If you happened to see the previous Royal Review, you recall how the bettors broke it off in our ass with Lou Holtz’s team last week. Well that was merely foreplay for the XXX-rated game film of that domination of his former team this week. Just like the scene in ‘Deliverance’ we were forced to squeal like a Razorback as South Carolina backers had their way with our wallets to a tune of a 12-1 ratio on the game. Though the Royal line went from -7 to –8.5 that proved no deterrent in this one sided affair. It will take quite awhile for the nightmares with John Holmes playing Dueling Banjos to subside.
The Toledo Rockets red glare blinded Marshall 42-0. Thus giving 296 people the opportunity to be paid by Royal while only 21 people who bet on the Thundering Terd failed to do so. Leading the dirty rice-eater Confucius to say….“Paying winners is good advertising for sportsbook.”
Finally a tourniquet was applied to the hemorrhaging Saturday in Columbus, Ohio where the visiting Golden Gophers from Minnesota +15 beat the Buckeyes for just the second time in my lifetime. This 29-17 upset was forged by an Ohio State defense more inept at stopping Gophers than Carl in ‘Caddyshack’.
On Sunday, the Washington Redskins beat Matt Stover, THE Baltimore Raven 10-3. “Never More” was the battle cry as the prognosticators were correct on both the side AND total in this brutal one.
A little measure of revenge was taken back in Kansas City where the Raider’s Seabass Janikowski, lived up to his billing as the Polish Pope’s favorite placekicker, booted home the game winner for Oakland with time running out. The Silver and Black held the Chiefs scoreless in the second half much to the chagrin of the home favorite backers laying 3 points in this very close contest.
Public road favorite Minnesota Vikings –6 raped and pillaged Goldilocks and the Chicago Bears, 28-16 on Sunday night in Soldier Field. This tilt must have been circled on everybody’s parlay cards all week. Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura could not have bodyslammed the Royal bookmaker any better than this.
All in all it was a terrible week. Suction on the Royal vault has caused the ceiling to be visible for the first time in ages. So we’ll just take this opportunity to paint the ceiling and feed the dirty rice-eater.
Who are all these touts and why are their Games of the Year like pure solid gold?
Hmmmm…. Have you ever had a thought that sounds good in your head but doesn’t work in print? That’s exactly what happened when I penned the headline …”Royal gets stuck again by Gamecocks!”.
If you happened to see the previous Royal Review, you recall how the bettors broke it off in our ass with Lou Holtz’s team last week. Well that was merely foreplay for the XXX-rated game film of that domination of his former team this week. Just like the scene in ‘Deliverance’ we were forced to squeal like a Razorback as South Carolina backers had their way with our wallets to a tune of a 12-1 ratio on the game. Though the Royal line went from -7 to –8.5 that proved no deterrent in this one sided affair. It will take quite awhile for the nightmares with John Holmes playing Dueling Banjos to subside.
The Toledo Rockets red glare blinded Marshall 42-0. Thus giving 296 people the opportunity to be paid by Royal while only 21 people who bet on the Thundering Terd failed to do so. Leading the dirty rice-eater Confucius to say….“Paying winners is good advertising for sportsbook.”
Finally a tourniquet was applied to the hemorrhaging Saturday in Columbus, Ohio where the visiting Golden Gophers from Minnesota +15 beat the Buckeyes for just the second time in my lifetime. This 29-17 upset was forged by an Ohio State defense more inept at stopping Gophers than Carl in ‘Caddyshack’.
On Sunday, the Washington Redskins beat Matt Stover, THE Baltimore Raven 10-3. “Never More” was the battle cry as the prognosticators were correct on both the side AND total in this brutal one.
A little measure of revenge was taken back in Kansas City where the Raider’s Seabass Janikowski, lived up to his billing as the Polish Pope’s favorite placekicker, booted home the game winner for Oakland with time running out. The Silver and Black held the Chiefs scoreless in the second half much to the chagrin of the home favorite backers laying 3 points in this very close contest.
Public road favorite Minnesota Vikings –6 raped and pillaged Goldilocks and the Chicago Bears, 28-16 on Sunday night in Soldier Field. This tilt must have been circled on everybody’s parlay cards all week. Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura could not have bodyslammed the Royal bookmaker any better than this.
All in all it was a terrible week. Suction on the Royal vault has caused the ceiling to be visible for the first time in ages. So we’ll just take this opportunity to paint the ceiling and feed the dirty rice-eater.
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