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Has evryone heard of the legend that is Paul Gascoigne, well I received this e-mail froma friend, which is all true and entitled
The Crazy World Of Paul Gascoigne
> 50 Mad Moments In The Life Of The Greatest Living Englishman
>
> 1) One hour after playing for England, met 'showbiz pals'
Danny Baker and
> Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his full
kit... boots
> included.
>
> 2) When asked for his nationality before an operation, told
the nurse:
> "Church Of England."
>
> 3) On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand "a go"
on a
> workman's pneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily
pounded the
> pavement to the amusement of shoppers.
>
> 4) On first meeting with Lazio's president to discuss his
big-money move
> to the Italian club, was quick to tell the esteemed gentleman
that he
> reminded him of Bud Abbot.
>
> 5) Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea
of augmenting
> team line-ups with film of each player mouthing his own name.
Gascoigne's
> genius led him to subvert the process by, instead, mouthing
'F***ing
> W***ker'. The BBC had to use it all the way through the
tournament.
>
> 6) Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle
team-mate Tony
> Cunningham. Who, of course, is black.
>
> 7) Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for
England's
> upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, "Yes. F**k off
Norway."
> Then ran off laughing.
>
> 8) Turned up for England training the morning after
then-manager Bobby
> Robson had called him as quote "daft as a brush" with a floor
brush
> sticking out of his sock.
>
> 9) When asked for a footballing comment while at Lazio, burped
> enthusiastically into a TV microphone. He was fined £39,000.
>
> 10) Decided it would be a great idea to have massive hair
extensions.
> Looked a fool and had them taken out a day later.
>
> 11) After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's breasts implants, sent
flowers to
> the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly Parton'.
>
> 12) Astounded commuters in London by jumping on a
double-decker in
> London's Piccadilly Circus and asking if he could have a
drive. The bus
> driver said yes, and the passengers thoroughly enjoyed Gazza's
impromptu
> performance.
>
> 13) Sent a rose to the Wimbledon dressing room for Vinnie
Jones after the
> infamous ball-squeezing incident. Got a toilet brush in
return.
>
> 14) Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a
'girl' he knew to
> be a transvestite.
>
> 15) Has taken the p*** out of refs constantly during his
career. On one
> occasion he sniffed a hapless ref's armpit while he was
holding his hand
> high to signal a free kick.
>
> 16) Undeterred by their frosty reactions, Gazza again tried to
prove that
> refs have a sense of humour by yellow-carding the referee
after the
> official had dropped his card during a Rangers v Hibs game. He
was booked
> for his troubles.
>
> 17) While attempting to deflect the 'kebab controversy' which
spelled the
> beginning of the end of his England career, assured reporters
that his
> doner-munching antics following Middl***rough's promotion to
the
> Premiership would in no way affect his fitness before France
98. One
> reporter asked: "What do you feel like now?" Back came the
inevitable
> response: "I feel like a kebab with onions."
>
> 18) As an apprentice desperate to impress then-Newcastle boss
Jack
> Charlton, spent a week's money on fishing gear andb egged the
famous
> angler to give him a lesson. On arrival at the riverbank,
Charlton
> promptly threw all but the rod out into the briny, then poured
a bottle of
> Newcastle Brown into the water, dipped in the rod and within
seconds was
> pulling out a whopper. Lesson over.
>
> 19) As 'perk' of boot-cleaning duties during his
apprenticeship, took
> Kevin Keegan's Golas home to show his mates. But left them on
the
> Newcastle Underground.
>
> 20) When playing for England against Belgium in Italia 90,
ridiculed Enzo
> Scifo as he lay on the ground clutching his leg. Gazza thought
he was
> play-acting, so did a mime of his own which involved hopping
on one leg
> with his tongue lolling out.
>
> 21) His attempt to jet off to Libya with Middl***rough for a
post-season
> tour was hampered by the fact he'd left his passport at home.
An emotional
> Gazza wept at the check-in desk until a minion was despatched
to bring it
> to the airport.
>
> 22) Celebrated his new-found hero status after flying home
from Italia 90
> by wearing a huge pair of fake plastic boobs and stomach
bearing the
> legend 'Gazza'.
>
> 23) On meeting the president of Denmark's FA, pretended he
could speak
> Danish. When invited to demonstrate, imitated The Muppet
Show's Swedish
> Chef.
>
> 24) Conned Five Bellies into eating a mince pie after he'ds
craped out the
> filling and replaced it with cat excrement.
>
> 25) Walked into the Middl***rough canteen wearing nothing but
his training
> socks and ordered lunch.
>
> 26) Paid £320 for a Mars Bar in a newsagents in his home town
of Dunston,
> then told the shop owner to spend the change on sweets for
local kids.
>
> 27) Whilst dining in the prestigious Bedford Arms Hotel in
Woburn with a
> few of his Geordie mates, decided to place his erect member on
the
> shoulder of a diner at the next table. Thinking someone had
tapped him on
> the shoulder the gentleman turned his head only to have
Gazza's helmet
> prod him in the cheek.
>
> 28) Took a documentary team to a beautiful Scottish cottage
which he
> informed them was his new place, pretended he'd forgotten his
key and
> knocked instead. When the door opened, told the befuddled
housewife inside
> that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know if she
preferred Daz
> or Omo.
>
> 29) Crashed Middl***rough's team bus at the club's training
ground and
> caused £310,000 worth of damage.
>
> 30) While at Rangers, urinated over sleeping team-mate Richard
Gough.
>
> 31) Handed £1000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies after betting that
the burly
> boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter's heat on the
bridge of his
> nose for five seconds. Jimmy could. Twice.
>
> 32) After briefly giving up drinking, was advised to find a
new interest.
> Picked bingo.
>
> 33) Bought a £1000 robot andp rogrammed it to travel into
Jimmy Five
> Bellies' room at Gazza Towers and announce: "Make a cup of
tea, fat man."
>
> 34) Stuck his tongue out when the TV cameras panned past him
during the
> national anthem at Italia 90.
>
> 35) Prepared for England matches during that hugely important
tournament
> by playing marathon games of tennis in the scorching midday
sun.
>
> 36) Thought it would be appropriate to wear a blue fright wig
before the
> 1991 FA Cup Final.
>
> 37) In his time, has agreed to dress as a Roman centurion, a
clown, Oliver
> Hardy and Braveheart for 'photo opportunities'.
>
> 38) While his Italia 90 team-mate was the hero of
Hillsborough, marched
> into a Sheffield barbers and demanded "a Waddle cut".
>
> 39) When Gazza signed for Spurs in 1988, he came down to
finalise the deal
> with a bunch of his Geordie mates. They took over the posh
hotel in Hadley
> Wood where Spurs were footing the bill and wreaked havoc.
Gazza met
> then-chairman Irving Scholar and began talks by saying, "We'd
like to
> thank you for the best three days of our lives."
>
> 40) Asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after
guests were
> treated to the sight of a naked Five Bellies swimming across
the duck
> pond.
>
> 41) On his first night in Rome after signing for Lazio, gave
his minder
> the slip, put his shoes by an open window and hid in a
cupboard. The
> minder thought he'd committed suicide.
>
> 42) Recorded a video message for a corporate party and signed
off with a
> cheery "Happy Christmas, you f***ing w***ers".
>
> 43) Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for
silence, then
> farting at ear-splitting volume.
>
> 44) Told an interviewer that he was so superstitious about the
number 13
> that he couldn't ever bear to see the numbers 4 and 9
together. Oddly, the
> combination of 5 and 8 was deemed OK.
>
> 45) Shredded England team-mate Dennis Wise's Armani suit quote
"for a
> laugh".
>
> 46) While staying at a Scottish hotel, drove across its golf
course in his
> four-wheel drive Jeep.
>
> 47) While reputation preceded him in Italy, the English
language did not.
> Hence, his Lazio debut was marked by a banner which read:
'Gazza's Boys,
> We Are Here. Shake Your Women And Drink Your Beer'.
>
> 48) Conversely, rival Italian supporters once hailed him with
a banner
> which stated bluntly: 'Paul Gazza, You Are Fat Poofta'.
>
> 49) After being sent off while playing for Lazio, shook hands
with
> virtually every member of the Genoa side.
>
> 50) While staying in a New Zealand hotel, was told there was
no bacon for
> breakfast. Replied, "What, all the sheep in this country and
there's no
> bloody bacon!"
>
You couldn't make this stuff up, sorry about the cursing but just too funny. Did post this in another thread but it was one I deemed to be over,and people did not want to carry on reading a argument about that bloody Costa Rica - Usa game.
Paul Gascoigne, football GENIUS, Raving LUNATIC.
Dingle
The Crazy World Of Paul Gascoigne
> 50 Mad Moments In The Life Of The Greatest Living Englishman
>
> 1) One hour after playing for England, met 'showbiz pals'
Danny Baker and
> Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his full
kit... boots
> included.
>
> 2) When asked for his nationality before an operation, told
the nurse:
> "Church Of England."
>
> 3) On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand "a go"
on a
> workman's pneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily
pounded the
> pavement to the amusement of shoppers.
>
> 4) On first meeting with Lazio's president to discuss his
big-money move
> to the Italian club, was quick to tell the esteemed gentleman
that he
> reminded him of Bud Abbot.
>
> 5) Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea
of augmenting
> team line-ups with film of each player mouthing his own name.
Gascoigne's
> genius led him to subvert the process by, instead, mouthing
'F***ing
> W***ker'. The BBC had to use it all the way through the
tournament.
>
> 6) Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle
team-mate Tony
> Cunningham. Who, of course, is black.
>
> 7) Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for
England's
> upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, "Yes. F**k off
Norway."
> Then ran off laughing.
>
> 8) Turned up for England training the morning after
then-manager Bobby
> Robson had called him as quote "daft as a brush" with a floor
brush
> sticking out of his sock.
>
> 9) When asked for a footballing comment while at Lazio, burped
> enthusiastically into a TV microphone. He was fined £39,000.
>
> 10) Decided it would be a great idea to have massive hair
extensions.
> Looked a fool and had them taken out a day later.
>
> 11) After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's breasts implants, sent
flowers to
> the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly Parton'.
>
> 12) Astounded commuters in London by jumping on a
double-decker in
> London's Piccadilly Circus and asking if he could have a
drive. The bus
> driver said yes, and the passengers thoroughly enjoyed Gazza's
impromptu
> performance.
>
> 13) Sent a rose to the Wimbledon dressing room for Vinnie
Jones after the
> infamous ball-squeezing incident. Got a toilet brush in
return.
>
> 14) Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a
'girl' he knew to
> be a transvestite.
>
> 15) Has taken the p*** out of refs constantly during his
career. On one
> occasion he sniffed a hapless ref's armpit while he was
holding his hand
> high to signal a free kick.
>
> 16) Undeterred by their frosty reactions, Gazza again tried to
prove that
> refs have a sense of humour by yellow-carding the referee
after the
> official had dropped his card during a Rangers v Hibs game. He
was booked
> for his troubles.
>
> 17) While attempting to deflect the 'kebab controversy' which
spelled the
> beginning of the end of his England career, assured reporters
that his
> doner-munching antics following Middl***rough's promotion to
the
> Premiership would in no way affect his fitness before France
98. One
> reporter asked: "What do you feel like now?" Back came the
inevitable
> response: "I feel like a kebab with onions."
>
> 18) As an apprentice desperate to impress then-Newcastle boss
Jack
> Charlton, spent a week's money on fishing gear andb egged the
famous
> angler to give him a lesson. On arrival at the riverbank,
Charlton
> promptly threw all but the rod out into the briny, then poured
a bottle of
> Newcastle Brown into the water, dipped in the rod and within
seconds was
> pulling out a whopper. Lesson over.
>
> 19) As 'perk' of boot-cleaning duties during his
apprenticeship, took
> Kevin Keegan's Golas home to show his mates. But left them on
the
> Newcastle Underground.
>
> 20) When playing for England against Belgium in Italia 90,
ridiculed Enzo
> Scifo as he lay on the ground clutching his leg. Gazza thought
he was
> play-acting, so did a mime of his own which involved hopping
on one leg
> with his tongue lolling out.
>
> 21) His attempt to jet off to Libya with Middl***rough for a
post-season
> tour was hampered by the fact he'd left his passport at home.
An emotional
> Gazza wept at the check-in desk until a minion was despatched
to bring it
> to the airport.
>
> 22) Celebrated his new-found hero status after flying home
from Italia 90
> by wearing a huge pair of fake plastic boobs and stomach
bearing the
> legend 'Gazza'.
>
> 23) On meeting the president of Denmark's FA, pretended he
could speak
> Danish. When invited to demonstrate, imitated The Muppet
Show's Swedish
> Chef.
>
> 24) Conned Five Bellies into eating a mince pie after he'ds
craped out the
> filling and replaced it with cat excrement.
>
> 25) Walked into the Middl***rough canteen wearing nothing but
his training
> socks and ordered lunch.
>
> 26) Paid £320 for a Mars Bar in a newsagents in his home town
of Dunston,
> then told the shop owner to spend the change on sweets for
local kids.
>
> 27) Whilst dining in the prestigious Bedford Arms Hotel in
Woburn with a
> few of his Geordie mates, decided to place his erect member on
the
> shoulder of a diner at the next table. Thinking someone had
tapped him on
> the shoulder the gentleman turned his head only to have
Gazza's helmet
> prod him in the cheek.
>
> 28) Took a documentary team to a beautiful Scottish cottage
which he
> informed them was his new place, pretended he'd forgotten his
key and
> knocked instead. When the door opened, told the befuddled
housewife inside
> that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know if she
preferred Daz
> or Omo.
>
> 29) Crashed Middl***rough's team bus at the club's training
ground and
> caused £310,000 worth of damage.
>
> 30) While at Rangers, urinated over sleeping team-mate Richard
Gough.
>
> 31) Handed £1000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies after betting that
the burly
> boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter's heat on the
bridge of his
> nose for five seconds. Jimmy could. Twice.
>
> 32) After briefly giving up drinking, was advised to find a
new interest.
> Picked bingo.
>
> 33) Bought a £1000 robot andp rogrammed it to travel into
Jimmy Five
> Bellies' room at Gazza Towers and announce: "Make a cup of
tea, fat man."
>
> 34) Stuck his tongue out when the TV cameras panned past him
during the
> national anthem at Italia 90.
>
> 35) Prepared for England matches during that hugely important
tournament
> by playing marathon games of tennis in the scorching midday
sun.
>
> 36) Thought it would be appropriate to wear a blue fright wig
before the
> 1991 FA Cup Final.
>
> 37) In his time, has agreed to dress as a Roman centurion, a
clown, Oliver
> Hardy and Braveheart for 'photo opportunities'.
>
> 38) While his Italia 90 team-mate was the hero of
Hillsborough, marched
> into a Sheffield barbers and demanded "a Waddle cut".
>
> 39) When Gazza signed for Spurs in 1988, he came down to
finalise the deal
> with a bunch of his Geordie mates. They took over the posh
hotel in Hadley
> Wood where Spurs were footing the bill and wreaked havoc.
Gazza met
> then-chairman Irving Scholar and began talks by saying, "We'd
like to
> thank you for the best three days of our lives."
>
> 40) Asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after
guests were
> treated to the sight of a naked Five Bellies swimming across
the duck
> pond.
>
> 41) On his first night in Rome after signing for Lazio, gave
his minder
> the slip, put his shoes by an open window and hid in a
cupboard. The
> minder thought he'd committed suicide.
>
> 42) Recorded a video message for a corporate party and signed
off with a
> cheery "Happy Christmas, you f***ing w***ers".
>
> 43) Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for
silence, then
> farting at ear-splitting volume.
>
> 44) Told an interviewer that he was so superstitious about the
number 13
> that he couldn't ever bear to see the numbers 4 and 9
together. Oddly, the
> combination of 5 and 8 was deemed OK.
>
> 45) Shredded England team-mate Dennis Wise's Armani suit quote
"for a
> laugh".
>
> 46) While staying at a Scottish hotel, drove across its golf
course in his
> four-wheel drive Jeep.
>
> 47) While reputation preceded him in Italy, the English
language did not.
> Hence, his Lazio debut was marked by a banner which read:
'Gazza's Boys,
> We Are Here. Shake Your Women And Drink Your Beer'.
>
> 48) Conversely, rival Italian supporters once hailed him with
a banner
> which stated bluntly: 'Paul Gazza, You Are Fat Poofta'.
>
> 49) After being sent off while playing for Lazio, shook hands
with
> virtually every member of the Genoa side.
>
> 50) While staying in a New Zealand hotel, was told there was
no bacon for
> breakfast. Replied, "What, all the sheep in this country and
there's no
> bloody bacon!"
>
You couldn't make this stuff up, sorry about the cursing but just too funny. Did post this in another thread but it was one I deemed to be over,and people did not want to carry on reading a argument about that bloody Costa Rica - Usa game.
Paul Gascoigne, football GENIUS, Raving LUNATIC.
Dingle
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